Take Off Your Clothes and Leave On Your Shoes

By on February 11, 2011 in Body Image, Dating, Fat Chick Sex, Sex

Even if you love your body, it can be intimidating to be completely naked in front of someone for the first time (or even the 20th time). One reason why I like wearing lingerie is actually because it gives me something sexy to have on that doesn’t have to be taken off if I don’t want to. It can also be sexy to keep something seductive on. For me, I need to feel comfortable with someone before I want to get totally nude and when you’re having casual sex that type of intimacy just isn’t there. I save that for after at least the first date.

If you want to get more comfortable with yourself naked and reduce the stress of taking it all off, I suggest trying a few things.

  • Be naked alone. Seeing how your body looks nude and not immediately thinking about how much you hate this or that body part is a kind of product of desensitization. You’re trained to hate your body, and constantly seeing it naked is going to be uncomfortable at first. But eventually you’ll learn to look at your body without judgment, which is an important step on the path to self-love. If you’re going to be okay with someone else seeing you naked, you have to declare a truce with your body.
  • Masturbate naked with the lights on. More desensitization, but eventually more fun. When you begin to associate your naked body with sexual pleasure, it’ll become easier to lose yourself in the moment and not allow the running negative narrative in your mind to have a voice. Touch your body (not just that area) and feel it respond. Get to know your particular erogenous zones. Not only will this benefit your self-image, it’ll net you more knowledge about what turns you on so you can guide future (or current) partners.
  • Try the lingerie trick. If you don’t like taking off your clothes even for non-casual sex, wear something sexy under your outfit if you think you might be having sex. Many bodysuits have snap crotches so there’s easy access. Start out just wearing the lingerie and eventually you’ll work your way up to being okay with less and less on. But if you’re like me, you accelerate quickly and sometimes not everything comes off in time. And that’s okay too. There’s no rule that says you have to be totally naked.

But, if you want to get naked, these are a few ways you can get to that point of comfort.

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  • http://twitter.com/pwidish Patricia Widish

    Thanks so much for this!

    This is one of the biggest issues I struggle with myself, and I’m going to try some of these tricks to learn to be more comfortable and take that step to self love. Thanks so much!

    • http://www.redvinylshoes.com Tasha Fierce

      You’re very welcome!

  • http://twitter.com/pwidish Patricia Widish

    Thanks so much for this!

    This is one of the biggest issues I struggle with myself, and I’m going to try some of these tricks to learn to be more comfortable and take that step to self love. Thanks so much!

    • http://www.sexandthefatgirl.com Tasha Fierce

      You’re very welcome!

  • http://www.marriedinchicago.blogspot.com Married in Chicago

    “There’s no rule that says you have to be totally naked.”

    This is such a good thing to be reminded of. We probably all have an idea in our head about what sex is “supposed” to look like. For me, the more I can create this image around what my partner and I want/enjoy and less around any other bullshit, the better.

    • http://www.redvinylshoes.com Tasha Fierce

      Definitely. Everyone should define for themselves what their particular form of healthy sex looks like.

  • http://www.marriedinchicago.blogspot.com Married in Chicago

    “There’s no rule that says you have to be totally naked.”

    This is such a good thing to be reminded of. We probably all have an idea in our head about what sex is “supposed” to look like. For me, the more I can create this image around what my partner and I want/enjoy and less around any other bullshit, the better.

    • http://www.sexandthefatgirl.com Tasha Fierce

      Definitely. Everyone should define for themselves what their particular form of healthy sex looks like.

  • Anonymous

    This is a great primer. I’m not thrilled I now have that BBD song stuck in my head. ;-)

    • http://www.redvinylshoes.com Tasha Fierce

      I’m happy you know where the line is from!

  • kellyhogaboom

    This is a great primer. I’m not thrilled I now have that BBD song stuck in my head. ;-)

    • http://www.sexandthefatgirl.com Tasha Fierce

      I’m happy you know where the line is from!

  • IrishUp

    Great post.

    I find the whole area of touching naked with the lights on pretty intimidating these days (insert Jessica Tandy’s “I can’t help you there!” line here). Maybe combining the lingerie trick with the lights on step will help … hmmm.

  • IrishUp

    Great post.

    I find the whole area of touching naked with the lights on pretty intimidating these days (insert Jessica Tandy’s “I can’t help you there!” line here). Maybe combining the lingerie trick with the lights on step will help … hmmm.

  • Siem

    I feel much more vulnerable in lingerie… hate the thought that I look like I’ve made the effort, and failed…

    • Anonymous

      Oh, I could totally see this! There’s a lot of sort of casual lingerie out there. Toward the sexy side but not the fullout merry widow with crotchless whatever. Maybe that can make it easier!

  • Siem

    I feel much more vulnerable in lingerie… hate the thought that I look like I’ve made the effort, and failed…

    • kellyhogaboom

      Oh, I could totally see this! There’s a lot of sort of casual lingerie out there. Toward the sexy side but not the fullout merry widow with crotchless whatever. Maybe that can make it easier!

  • Adel

    I only get shy when the prospect of something serious exists, in that case, I don’t like to take off my bra for example, but when I have no future intentions whatsoever and no intimacy, I don’t care if they see me completely naked, even in a lit room.

  • Adel

    I only get shy when the prospect of something serious exists, in that case, I don’t like to take off my bra for example, but when I have no future intentions whatsoever and no intimacy, I don’t care if they see me completely naked, even in a lit room.

  • bambamV

    Great suggestions! I too, like Siem, felt a bit silly in lingerie, until I found the right pieces. My first piece in my now growing collection, this shaping slip from Torrid: http://img.hottopic.com/is/image/HotTopic/584573_hi?$product$

    It was marketed as shapewear, but it didn’t do much in the way for that (and I could breathe!). I wore it under a dress and later when I took my dress off, kept it on for sex, pushed up at the bottom and straps off on top.. I felt sexier, with the power to keep some of my body to myself, choosing to reveal or deny. And it didn’t get in the way, nor was it delicate enough that I was worried it might rip in the wonderful rough and tumble.

    Also, if I prefer to keep the lights on, I whisper to my partner that it’s so hot to fumble in the dark for his belt buckle, that I love the way our silhouettes meet in the dark. Which is the truth! Blocking one sense just adds the rest of ‘em, bring on the pleasure!

  • A_bennet27

    am I the only one that just says fuck it and gets naked…I mean if we made it back to the bedroom then more then likely the guy I am with knows what he about to see. I am a size 30 and I typically rock it out in my birthday suit and lights on…just saying: )

  • A_bennet27

    am I the only one that just says fuck it and gets naked…I mean if we made it back to the bedroom then more then likely the guy I am with knows what he about to see. I am a size 30 and I typically rock it out in my birthday suit and lights on…just saying: )